- Welcome to the show,
my name is Matt Santoro,
and this episode is brought to you by
that one friend that's gonna
have way too much to drink
- [Voiceover] Don't stand up
straight, let's lie him down.
- Could use some help there.
- Yep, Okay.
(crash)
(laughter)
- St. Patrick's day is coming soon,
and I bet there's not much
more you know about it
other than it's a day to dress
up in green and get wasted.
(Irish accent) Ooh, you poor thing.
(Irish Accent) Well, let me enlighten you.
These are the top 20 lucky
St.Patrick's Day facts.
St. Patrick's day is
named after St. Patrick,
the patron saint of Ireland,
and is celebrated on March 17th
because that's believed to
be the day he died in 461 AD.
But the truth is St.
Patrick wasn't even Irish,
nor was he even religious.
In fact, he was born in Britain,
and didn't become relgious
until he was about 16.
Jeez, it sounds like
Patrick was more confused
about his identity than
a male Twilight fan.
(imitating teen girl voice)
Team Edward all the way!
St. Patrick's Day i celebrated
in almost every major country
around the world,
and each does something cool to celebrate.
Chicago, in the United states,
the Chicago River is died green.
In Italy, they have 10 days of
live music, food and drinks.
Some cities even paint the lines
on the road green for a day,
which turned out to be more
successful than painting
all the stop lights green.
(tires screeching)
Over 13 million pints of
green-dyed Guinness beer
drank every St. Patrick's Day.
Coincidentally, just as much
volume of toothpaste is used
the day after.
The harp is the official
symbol of Ireland,
which I'm guessing wasn't
their first choice.
I mean, there are so
many other good options.
And I'm sure at least one
Irish dude has been teased
in the past about that.
- Yeah, let's get some
Guinness and some...
(harp playing)
Oh God, here comes McKenna.
- (Irish Accent) Well, top
of the mornin' to ya, fellas.
- Hey harpy, how's your
harp, harpy? (chuckling)
- (Irish accent) I ought to kick your ass.
- A traditional Irish cure for a hangover
after St. Patrick's Day was
to be buried up to the neck
in moist river sand.
But to me, that sounds more like a prank
than a hangover cure.
But I guess it'd be a nicer
prank than having your buddies
draw a penis on your face the day after.
The original color of St.
Patrick is actually blue.
Green didn't beecome associated
with St. Patrick's Day
until the 19th century,
and I think that's a good thing
because green seems to be
a more more positive color
than blue.
- [All] Yay.
(Irish music)
(cheering)
- The Irish have a famous reputation
for being heavy drinkers
who can drink anyone
under the table.
Well, almost anyone.
Obviously, they haven't
met my aunt, Carol.
- (imitating a female
voice) Alright, I've go this
and a two four of Guinness in the fridge.
Who's down to party?
The shamrock is associated
with St. Patrick's Day
because its three leaves
were used by St. Patrick
to represent the holy trinity.
Shamrocks can be grown all year-round
and are not exclusive to Ireland.
Unlike the Shamrock Shake
that's only at McDonald's.
You gotta make them available
all year round, guys.
Hugo had one, and now he's hooked,
and I gotta deal with his withdrawal.
- (strained shaky voice)
Need my shamrock fix.
- The Blarney Stone is a
legendary block of stone
located in Ireland, that once kissed,
is said to give the person
the gift of great eloquence
or skill at flattery.
Well, legend or not,
if you get plastered on St. Patrick's Day,
no stone in the world is gonna
make you an eloquent speaker.
Hey, what's up?
You're really pretty, and I like you.
Do you come here often?
I like boobs.
According to legend, St. Patrick was known
for banishing dangerous animals
like snakes from Ireland.
Now, if he could just banish other animals
like Charlie Sheen from the news,
we'd all be better off.
- Winning.
I win here, and I win there.
Now what?
- The colors of the Irish flag
actually have a deep meaning.
Green symbolizes the Irish Catholics.
The orange represents
the Irish Protestants,
and the white represents
the peace that is strived
to be reached between them.
But if you have a flag that's
faded, please replace it.
It's supposed to be green and
orange, not green and yellow.
Although if green and
yellow did become popular,
Lil Wayne might end up making
a decent St. Patrick's song
about it.
♫ Green and yellow
♫ Green and yellow
♫ Green and yellow ♫
Whoa, that guy works fast.
A leprechaun is a fairy in Irish folklore
that's known for being mischevious,
making shoes all day, and
hiding all of his gold
at the end of the rainbow.
But fairy isn't a very accurate
description of a leprechaun.
I think a better classification
would have been troll
or gnome or Seth Green.
The most common Irish
name for a boy is Connor.
For a girl, it's Chloe,
and the most common Irish
last name is Murphy.
So, if you run into a Conner
Murphy this St. Patrick's Day,
I wouldn't recommend getting
in the way of his Guinness.
'Cause he's pure Irish.
He might get a little cranky.
What should I get, a martini?
No.
A bud?
No.
Rum and Coke.
- (Irish accent) Oh, Jesus
Christ, out of my way,
you flab hammer John.
- The Irish have many traditions
other than St. Patrick's Day,
including an odd birthday tradition,
which is to lift the
birthday child upside down
and give his head a couple
gentle bumps on the ground
for good luck,
but that could be pretty
bad if things went wrong.
In fact, Hugo got dropped
on his head as child,
and look what happened to him.
- There is nothing wrong
with... (screeching)
me.
- Drowning the shamrock is a phrase
used on St. Patrick's Day,
which means to float a
shamrock on top your whisky
before drinking it,
which gives you good luck,
which is a lot nicer
than some other Irish phrases out there.
(speaking in Irish accent)
Pogue mahone, you. (bleep)
Four leaf clovers are also
associated with St. Patrick's Day
as finding one is said
to make you very lucky
as they are so rare.
In fact, each leaf of the
clover means something.
The first is for hope.
The second is for faith.
The third is for love,
and the fourth is for luck.
And if you find a five leaf clover,
then you're just luckier than Hugh Hefner.
Some big Irish bands that
have had international success
include Van Morrison, the
Cranberries, the Script, and U2,
but I'm just glad Ireland gave
us some good musical artists,
unlike Iceland that gave
us artists like Björk.
(Björk song)
No, no, no music please.
Thanks, I have to finish the
show without my ears bleeding.
Although St.Patrick's Day is a
religious holiday in Ireland,
in the majority of
places around the world,
it's not a day that people get off,
which is pretty dumb considering
the majority of people
are just gonna leave work
early anyways to hit the bars.
Besides, it truly is a
religious holiday to me,
considering all the
people that end up praying
to the porcelain god.
The most authentic St.
Patrick's Day parade occurs
in Dublin, Ireland over a five day period
and attracts over 500,000 people yearly.
Or at least it's known to be
the St. Patrick's Day parade
until Colin Farrell shows up.
Then, it's known as the douche bag parade.
And finally, there are
over 65 billion people
with an Irish ancestry around the world,
which is over 10 times the
population of Ireland itself.
And to be honest, I wish there were more!
The world would be such
a friendlier place.
Unless they were pikeys,
and then it would be a
much more confusing place.
- (speaking in Irish accent)
Hi, what you doing, partner?
(speaking in Gaelic dialect)
Aww, you look like a boxer.
- Did you understand a (bleep)
word he just said?
So, have a good St.
Patrick's Day, and remember
may the winds of fortune
sail you, may you sail
a gentle sea, may it
always be the other guy
who says this drink's on me.
- Yeah, I'm actually out of money.
Can you get this round?
(rap music)
(laughter)
